The fine art of pointing out problems without the sting

In the previous blog we introduced the book by renowned author Dale Carnegie 'How to win friends and influence people'.

Well, Carnegie’s first principle is timeless:

Don’t criticise, condemn, or complain.

Or, as Dale Carnegie put it:

“If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.”

In business, that translates to: If you want to win the client’s trust (and their tender), don’t make them feel wrong.

Too often, proposals slip into subtle criticism:

• ‘Your current system lacks integration.’

• 'You have no visibility into performance.’

True? Maybe. Helpful? Not really. It puts readers on the defensive… as if you’ve just told them their baby’s ugly. Instead, frame shortcomings as shared challenges you want to solve with them, not for them.

How’s this transformation?

• Before: Your current system lacks integration, leading to inefficiencies.

• After: You have outgrown your current system, which is a natural sign of progress. We can now help you streamline operations by integrating your existing tools for faster, clearer decision-making.

See the difference? The first criticises and the second empathises. It acknowledges what is working, recognises their efforts and offers partnership instead of judgment.

Practical ways to apply this in proposals:

1. Acknowledge effort first. ‘Your team has built an impressive foundation…’

2. Reframe the gap as opportunity. ‘…and with a few tweaks, we will unlock even more efficiency.’

3. Position yourself as an enabler, not a fixer. ‘Together, we will build on what is already strong.’

It’s persuasion with empathy. Honey and not vinegar.

Takeaway for your next proposal:

Before you describe a client’s pain point, pause and ask yourself: "Am I kicking the beehive or gathering honey?" 

If it stings, rephrase it as a shared challenge and a hopeful next step.

The best proposals make readers feel understood and not foolish. That is when the honey (and the deal) starts to flow.